crossroads in my life

I have come to a point in my life where I really don't want to do the job anymore. I want to work, just not at what I'm doing right now. I go to work Monday through Friday and I do the same old thing every Monday through Friday. When I get done doing that same old thing, I get to do it all over again. I guess everyone goes through this and some how manage to get through it. Maybe they get through it because they have other interests in their life. I really don't. I have interests, but I don't act upon them. I love taking pictures. I always have. I enjoy writing from time to time. When I become very passionate about a certain subject, I immediately get on here and blog about it. I guess that's what I'm doing now. It's Sunday and all I can think about is how I have to go back into work tomorrow. The thought is a dreadful one. Please don't misunderstand me. I appreciate the job. With the economy being as bad as it is and unemployment being as high as it is (10 or 11 percent), I know there are a lot of people that would be more than happy to have what I have. So I do know how blessed I am. That is what gets me through. It's just that there is so much I want to do with this life and I don't feel like I'm doing anything with it. Each day I go in to work wondering if they are going to tell me it's my last day. Since January they laid off half of the crew. The lastest lay off I felt they really didn't have to lay off. There is plenty of work to do. I guess they really just didn't want her there. She did complain quite a bit about stuff so I guess they just want quiet obedient workers who do what they're told without complaining. The bad thing is, a very small part of me was disappointed that it wasn't me. That's how bad I feel about this job right now. I don't really want to lose the money I make on this job. I just wish I was doing something different. I would love to travel to different places to take pictures. My husband and I just got back from Cumberland Falls. We took so many pictures of the huge falls (with all the rain, it was roaring), and the foilage. I had such a great time doing it. I could see doing that for a living, but I don't know if there is a demand for such a thing. Maybe I could do it as a hobby, but I really would like to make a profit ya know? I keep telling my kids that whatever they choose to do in life, make sure it's what they love. There is nothing worse than going to a job that you hate day in and day out. Especially one that doesn't appreciate your work.....mine doesn't. My team leader just lost her office to a sales person who is coming in. The boss told her that he doesn't see an office as a perk to a position. He told her if a janitor came in making all kinds of noise, they would get an office so they wouldn't disturb anyone. Yeah, I see the appreciation for the employees don't you? So now she gets to share an office with another team leader who yacks all day with someone from her crew. It's very noisy with the phones and the talking, so yeah, she's not going to like it. I'm on the other side of the room and I have my headphones on so I don't have to hear all the noise. If I were her, I would have asked for a cubicle. At least she wouldn't have to share that with anyone.

Maybe it's a mid life crisis I'm going through. I'm 46 years old and I'm always reading in the paper about people my age dying. Maybe that's why I'm going through this. I want to live my life to the fullest and I want to leave my mark. I want people to see something I did long after I'm gone and get a smile from it. I want to make them feel better, maybe just for a little bit. I'm tired of doing the same old thing. I guess I'm at the crossroads in my life where I have to make some choices. I'm not going to quit my job. Maybe I can still do a little traveling and take some pictures. My daughter and I are going to work on her senior pictures. That will definitely help me a lot. Of course the pictures I take will be awesome because my daughter is very pretty. No...Im not prejudice one bit. Ha-ha.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now....Venting time is over.