Crossroads part 2

I hate suprises. Especially when the surprise isn't a good one. There has been a lot of speculation at my place of employment about the fate of the company. The company cut their staff in half and we haven't had a raise in two years. The President or the Director of Operations hasn't said anything but the way everyone is acting, we all know that "something" is getting ready to go down. I hate looking for work. It sucks and it sucks big time. I don't have that much self confidence and when I come to the realization that my job is in jeopardy that self confidence is put to the test. OK---I admit it. I'm a bit lazy when it comes to looking for work. I'm not lazy at work, just looking for it. haha. I feel a bit uneasy looking for work in the field I've been working in because I don't feel I'm up to date on the technology that this field of work partakes in. My current place of employment doesn't exactly have the latest technology. Heck, this place has been in the red for the past two years. We don't even have paper towels in the kitchen let alone the latest and greatest computer software. I want to leave this place on a high note but I would also like to tell these people a thing or two. Not anything mean, but something along the lines of "so...is now a good time to panic?" That's what they would say to us when they would hold a meeting to let us know they laid someone off or that they lost a client. "Don't panic" is what the President told me when the last client left. I thought for sure that within a week or two the ax would fall straight on my head. Now it seems it will be falling on the whole office.

Well, I'm going to bed now and I so can't wait to go to work tomorrow. I'll be easy to find. I work at the place that sits right in "falling axe zone".

I hate deadlines

My daughter is in her senior year of high school. She is driving us crazy over college, scholarships and jobs and how college is going to get paid for. I'm not too worried about all this because it's been my experience that things always work out. It may not work out exactly as we hoped but it still does. She wants us to fill out a FASFA form which is supposed to give her money for college. Of course this is based on how much her parents make. I don't see the point in filling this out as I already know we make too much. Her dad and I are not rich by any stretch of the imagination but I'm sure we don't fit the standards of this FASFA thing. Melissa said she was told that we should fill it out anyway because she would probably get something, so we will. This FASFA needs to know how much we made in 2009 which means we need our W2 forms. Guess what? As usual, Jim can't find his. He found mine, but he can't find his. This is driving Melissa crazy. She wants this done NOW.

I hate deadlines and I really hate the pressure that comes with it. I have the same issue on my 0job. Certain things have to be done by a certain time and the people above me don't let me forget it. That is about to end as the client that is the cause of this deadline is leaving. I was hurt and angry at first but now I'm glad they're gone because at least the pressure is gone. I was worried at first because I just knew they would lay me off. So far so good. In my last blog I mentioned how they laid someone off that I felt they didn't need to as there was plenty of work to do. Well, now they will be giving me some of that work. I consider this a compliment as they could have done that for her but chose to let her go. I don't complain, I do what I'm told and I'm on time. I'm not bragging or boasting, but it's the truth. The boss pretty much told me that I survived the lay off because I was dependable and I helped them through a rough patch, which again, is true. I'm still going through the mid life crisis thing, but I'm working through it. I keep telling myself to pursue more interests outside work and that my family needs me to keep this job. I've been vlogging (video logging) a little bit and I'm blogging a little more. I also am enjoying the family time more. I have come to realize my whole life doesn't have to revolve around my job...or my love, or lack thereof for it.

Andrew hates his school. He wants to go somewhere else...anywhere else than where he is. I missed the deadline to apply for another school. Actually I wasn't too worried about it because I've been so worried about my job. Andrew's problem is that he has nothing in common with his peers. He's a very smart young man who is surrounded by students who probably can do the work but don't apply themselves. They don't want to learn and they don't listen to the teacher and they just copy off of Andrew. I need to get more information so i can contact the principal about this. I really like this principal because i had an issue with my daughter once and he helped me resolve it very quickly. I want my son to be happy but our school system isn't the best one in the world. Actually unless we move into the school district of his choice, he probably won't get in. The schools should all have the same well rounded education and i believe they do, but the students that go there have to want it. my son basically wants to be with other students who have the same desires and goals he has.

crossroads in my life

I have come to a point in my life where I really don't want to do the job anymore. I want to work, just not at what I'm doing right now. I go to work Monday through Friday and I do the same old thing every Monday through Friday. When I get done doing that same old thing, I get to do it all over again. I guess everyone goes through this and some how manage to get through it. Maybe they get through it because they have other interests in their life. I really don't. I have interests, but I don't act upon them. I love taking pictures. I always have. I enjoy writing from time to time. When I become very passionate about a certain subject, I immediately get on here and blog about it. I guess that's what I'm doing now. It's Sunday and all I can think about is how I have to go back into work tomorrow. The thought is a dreadful one. Please don't misunderstand me. I appreciate the job. With the economy being as bad as it is and unemployment being as high as it is (10 or 11 percent), I know there are a lot of people that would be more than happy to have what I have. So I do know how blessed I am. That is what gets me through. It's just that there is so much I want to do with this life and I don't feel like I'm doing anything with it. Each day I go in to work wondering if they are going to tell me it's my last day. Since January they laid off half of the crew. The lastest lay off I felt they really didn't have to lay off. There is plenty of work to do. I guess they really just didn't want her there. She did complain quite a bit about stuff so I guess they just want quiet obedient workers who do what they're told without complaining. The bad thing is, a very small part of me was disappointed that it wasn't me. That's how bad I feel about this job right now. I don't really want to lose the money I make on this job. I just wish I was doing something different. I would love to travel to different places to take pictures. My husband and I just got back from Cumberland Falls. We took so many pictures of the huge falls (with all the rain, it was roaring), and the foilage. I had such a great time doing it. I could see doing that for a living, but I don't know if there is a demand for such a thing. Maybe I could do it as a hobby, but I really would like to make a profit ya know? I keep telling my kids that whatever they choose to do in life, make sure it's what they love. There is nothing worse than going to a job that you hate day in and day out. Especially one that doesn't appreciate your work.....mine doesn't. My team leader just lost her office to a sales person who is coming in. The boss told her that he doesn't see an office as a perk to a position. He told her if a janitor came in making all kinds of noise, they would get an office so they wouldn't disturb anyone. Yeah, I see the appreciation for the employees don't you? So now she gets to share an office with another team leader who yacks all day with someone from her crew. It's very noisy with the phones and the talking, so yeah, she's not going to like it. I'm on the other side of the room and I have my headphones on so I don't have to hear all the noise. If I were her, I would have asked for a cubicle. At least she wouldn't have to share that with anyone.

Maybe it's a mid life crisis I'm going through. I'm 46 years old and I'm always reading in the paper about people my age dying. Maybe that's why I'm going through this. I want to live my life to the fullest and I want to leave my mark. I want people to see something I did long after I'm gone and get a smile from it. I want to make them feel better, maybe just for a little bit. I'm tired of doing the same old thing. I guess I'm at the crossroads in my life where I have to make some choices. I'm not going to quit my job. Maybe I can still do a little traveling and take some pictures. My daughter and I are going to work on her senior pictures. That will definitely help me a lot. Of course the pictures I take will be awesome because my daughter is very pretty. No...Im not prejudice one bit. Ha-ha.

Well, I guess that's all I have to say for now....Venting time is over.